In the middle of a delicious lunch on the deck of one of our favorite restaurants, my friend, a counselor at church, was interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. She looked at me apologetically, saying she needed to take the call. It turned out to be the husband of a couple she was counseling. He was calling because his wife was absolutely distraught, crying in the background. You see, his wife had just discovered that he had slipped back into his struggle with pornography. She was devastated.
My friend promised that as soon as she finished her lunch, she would come to the house to offer care for his wife. She was counseling five couples at that time who were struggling with this issue. Finding good resources for wives was one of her biggest hurdles. Even the men who have struggled with this issue agree that finding resources and groups for their wives has not been as easy as finding recovery help for husbands. Also, wives often feel that they can’t talk openly and share about what they are going through for fear of being judged.
I was given the opportunity to speak up about this issue recently when someone made an off-hand comment that the problem happens when a wife doesn’t give her husband what he needs. As much as this misguided comment made me bristle, it also caused me to realize that many people continue to believe lies and entertain misconceptions about pornography. The opportunity to educate those who were listening that day felt like a victory. Even those who have not struggled with this issue in their marriage can speak up for the wives who have, and help others understand important truths, such as:
- it is not the wife's fault, she is a silent victim
- she will never be able to compete with the secret fantasy world of pixels
- the women on the other side of the camera are actresses and victims
and to offer this ultimate truth:
- all wives are “Somebody's daughter" and they need to know they are valued and loved for their inherent dignity, as God's child!
Does someone in your life need to know it’s not her fault? Is there someone you can speak God’s truth to today? Make yourself available, be prepared to dispel the lies, and offer a life-giving blessing....She's Somebody's Daughter. For a few vetted and excellent resources for wives, consider visiting: Journey to Healing and Joy; Blazing Grace Ministries; Family Life Center; Faithful and True.